It was a warm day shortly after my 17th birthday. I had been living with my mom, step-dad and their two children for about 3 months or so. I missed my friends. I had gotten ahold of many of them and finagled my way into being able to actually take the train down to visit them once in awhile. But it was obvious their circles were growing tighter and I was being squeezed out. All the talks of senior projects and activities and plans for college went on around me. The world, it seemed, was shifting seasons without me. I was lonely and depressed. Even my mother was noticing. She was constantly telling me to get out of the house and get some air, make some friends. Partially for my own well being and partially because she knew how much my step-father detested me. I knew what a monster he was and he hated it. He also hated that when he tried to hit my mom or my 6 year old brother I was always there to hit him back. Everyday when he got home he would tell me how many days I had till I was out of his house. "The day you turn 18 I'm gonna take you and all your stuff and dump you off in the middle of no where to fend for yourself. Then we'll see what a tough bitch you are" "I can't wait till you're 18. Let's see if you hit me then cuz I'll beat the shit outta ya, then we'll see what a tough bitch you are" That was his favorite thing to talk about, all the ways he was going to prove how weak I truly was once I turned 18.
I wasn't in the mood to go outside that day but I was less in the mood for an argument and my brother had been gone for hours and no one seemed concerned. I found my brother in the community laundry room with another little boy. I sat there daring them to do random stuff till his mother showed up. I heard her before I saw her "Let's go Christopher!!" She ran into me as she turned the corner. She pepped right up. A woman about 5'6" with weathered olive toned skin, jet black hair down past her waist and ragged looking toes. "Sorry is he bothering you?" I didn't have time to answer "oh he made a friend! Hi" she says in the direction of my brother. "Oh my gosh Christopher has a sister! How old are you? My daughter's age? I have a daughter she's at home. Wanna come meet her? You're probably the same age. How old are you again? Did you tell me already?" I'm in awe of how quickly the words tumble out of her mouth like vomit. She grabs me by the hand and leads me to her apartment across the street faster than I can decline the offer. She invites me in and telling me all about her heritage as a Native American and all it's financial perks while intermittently asking me questions about myself and calling for her daughter to come down the stairs. She comes stomping down the stairs telling her mother to "shut the fuck up!" I had never seen her around before. She had carrot colored hair as long as her mothers, big doe eyes, porcelain skin, makeup that seemed to naturally flow out of her pores, the tiniest frame...and a baby on her hip. "Oh you brought someone over? Why didn't you tell me? I have plans!!!!" She pouts to her mom. "She's new, she doesn't have friends. I thought maybe you introduce her to the neighbors before you leave? " She turns to me. "Hi I'm Sarah. Don't mind my mom she's such a bitch sometimes. And she always bringing random people over for me to make friends with like I don't have enough already" I am taken aback by her lack of tact and disrespect. "Anyway I have plans but come on I'll introduce you" I follow her outside. Even with a baby in her arms she intimidates me. She is nothing like my Sunday school friends back home. She is a couple months older than me but carries herself with the confidence of a woman. She can sense my naivety because the first words out of her mouth are "are you a virgin?" I answer yes with pride only to be deflated by her scoff "that won't last long". We walk about 2 doors down to some guys sitting on lawn chairs smoking cigarettes. Suddenly everything slows done & all I can see is him. Shaved head, goatee, wife-beater, grey sweats and blue house shoes and eyes that are piercing yet sweet. I have never seen anyone like him before, at least not outside of a movie. I'm in a complete daze while they talk.
Until he nods his head at me. "who's the new girl?" he asks Sarah. "Oh yeah. Emily this is Jonathan and his brother Andrew. Jonathan, Andrew this is Emily...she's a virgin" For some reason I'm completely mortified. "No shit!? You're missing out" Says Andrew. "What the fuck? You some kind of church person or something?" Jonathan asks. "Yes" "Like your family prays? You like have Sunday dinner together and shit?" I tell them all about my home life at my dad's and how I was raised. They tell me about gangs and drugs and "getting caught up". Which I learn means doing time, and how Jonathan was just released 2 weeks prior. Funny thing is as much as I think they are abnormal they think the same of me. They are Blood In Blood Out and I am the Brady Bunch. I am instantly coined "the virgin" and everyone tries to curb their tongue around me. Over the next few days I spend every waking moment at their house. When I'm alone with Jonathan he talks normal and has a better vocabulary than most people I know. He's actually very intelligent and extremely book smart. He tells me about what he understood of the bible while he was in jail and says he prayed while he was in there. He prayed that God would send him a good Christian girl that would help him change his ways. That he asked his mom to pray for the same thing. He said he would know when she came because she would be a virgin. With every word his hook sinks deeper into me. Over the next few days I meet all the members of their "clique".I am drawn like a moth to a flame to the adrenaline rush they bring me. Sarah always shows up whenever I'm over but I've learned her and her mother are meth addicts and I keep my distance. Besides it feels more as if she is there to claim her territory rather than be my friend. Jonathan says to watch my back with her and I don't bother to ask why.
One day while I'm over they throw a kick back. Over the music no one hears the garage door and when his mom walks in she blows up. While yelling at all the cholos and half dressed girls "to get the fuck out" of her house she starts dialing the police station. I am frozen as everyone makes a run for it. I've never been met her before. She looks Hawaiian with long burgundy hair, a perfect white smile and perfectly manicured hands and feet. She looks at me then looks at Jonathan "is this the girl?" she asks him, he nods."No one is allowed in my house anymore do you understand? Except her" My confusion must have been all over my face because she smiles at me " I'm Lisa, I like you. You're a good influence on my son." Then she goes upstairs to her room.
We go upstairs to watch a movie with his brothers. Halfway through I offer to get everyone a drink and make my way downstairs. That's when it happened, the moment I fell for him. I was on the second step when I heard Jonathan's voice behind me. "You're gonna be my wife" "What?" I say though I've heard him clearly. " I'm going to marry you. I'm going to buy you a big house then make you my wife. And you're gonna give me lots of babies" I'm walking ahead of him and he can't see my face. Thank God because I'm smiling ear to ear. "Ummm..yeah?.no" I say but I believe it. "Playing hard to get, I like it. But you better keep it up when other guys try to hit on you" "Huh?" I say as I turn around. I'm on the floor and he's on the second to last step. He grabs my face and kisses me. "You're mine now ok?...OK?" I nod my head yes. "Now get me my drink woman!" He says playfully before he slaps my butt and runs back up the stairs. I pour the drinks with the biggest smile on my face and butterflies running rampant in my stomach and I know. I am completely smitten.
*Originally written January 4th 2012
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